IEP – Follow Up

Emily Shanks Newcomer at School

So the IEP the other day went super well. I was vaguely anxious beforehand and wondering if I had prepared enough, but on the whole I didn’t think I could do much more – the rest would be down to how the school would choose to work with it and us. Having said that, I was fairly confident, since last year’s meeting was very productive, and conducted with a brilliant attitude and heaps of understanding on their part.

New teacher and Senco this year, but once again, I felt very much in caring and competent hands. And they start their meetings with prayer – this is a school which does what it says on the side of the box when it comes to pastoral care and the spirit of Jesus’ teachings, and starting with prayer is committing the outcome to upholding those standards, and I really appreciate that.

And the Prof’s teacher actually had a great report on him – far better than I’d anticipated. According to her, over the course of the first term, he has become more relaxed and happy, he smiles more, and is coping relatively well with interactions with other students. (He even has some girls who consider him their ‘friend’ – oh, that is so awkward, cringe! I don’t think he reciprocates. He’s so anti-social even imaginary friends would be unwelcome.) His organisation and time management are also good (which is not much short of miraculous for a kid I had to dress for school until he was at least 6, just to get to there on time! Although it does concern me that his driver is anxiety.) His pace is another issue altogether. That is a big concern, but at least there are strategies in place around that to work with.

All in all, it was great to just sit down and communicate with the teacher. What I find most difficult generally is that although home and teacher are supposed to work together, I’m not there, so I don’t have a clear picture of what structures and expectations are in class, and of course they only have a superficial picture of him. But having the opportunity to turn all those issues over between us was such a relief.

 

 

IEP Day

Emily Shanks Newcomer at School

Biggish day today. We have this year’s IEP meeting this afternoon. I’m relatively unprepared, because that’s just how I roll in life. Although when I say unprepared, I have my background of courses, reading, and personal knowledge and experience. What I don’t have are recent OT reports or professional recommendations. Still and all, when I’ve presented them before, they haven’t been of essential value.

So off I will go into the fray once more. And what an ongoing fray it is. It feels like Groundhog Day sometimes, but in what specific ways I don’t even have the energy to describe. I have a very bad case of the brain fade, and it’s not going away any time soon I fear. I feel like a shadow of my true self, and that will have to suffice to excuse my vagueness.

We’ve decided, though to go the route of describing his gifts and difficulties specifically rather than even attempting to go into labels like “Aspergers”. They know he has Aspergers, whatever picture that conjures to them. So yes, he has social difficulties. His own personal way of dealing with not understanding social interactions is to remain permanently in defense mode; disengagement and avoidance are his tools, and anyone attempting an approach is swiftly shot down. He has no friends. None. No – wait – he has one, and sadly she moved down country.

But he has other difficulties as well. Even though he is gifted, he is dyslexic, has ADD, probably dyspraxia, and dysgraphia, which is a specific handwriting disability, and anxiety due to all of the above. His fine and gross motor co-ordination difficulties lead to physical handicap in written (and typed) work, but furthermore, processing ideas through his hand, as it were, to the page, is like a barrier, tripping up the flow of thought. Asked questions orally, he will give detailed (usually far more detail than required, which is a different kind of problem) answers, but having to write the same answers will always lead to only a fraction of the thought being committed to paper.

Allowances have been put in place for this; he is able to use voice recording apps on his iPad to do whatever schoolwork is suitable, and if we could find effective voice to text software or apps, he would be able to use that also.

Ironically, his current ambition is to be a writer. This is because, contrary to the common belief that aspies lack imagination, stories pour out of him, faster than he can get them down in fact. Anyway, in a few years, technology will probably have progressed enough that he could write his stories without having to write, or type.

But for now we have to survive school. He goes to an exceptionally accommodating and forward-thinking school. But as I’ve touched on before, even there, it’s not straightforward. For example, the last meeting I had with the Senco, a few strategies were promised, of which none that I am aware of have been actioned, although I could be wrong about some of them. I have had success in negotiating directly with teachers, but then substitutes are always a problem.

It’s not that I want life to bend to accommodate my children. I fully accept that life bends for no man, woman or child. I will, however, fight injustice and for the equal rights to education we’ve all been promised, and that without forgetting that my children are not in fact the only children in their teachers’ classes. What we want is for our children to be given the opportunities to adapt functionally in the system they have, perforce, to operate within. As far as I’m concerned, school is not a natural environment. It mimics real life in some ways; specifically, inflexibility. But it doesn’t otherwise resemble the real world. So my aim is for the children to survive the brutalities of school in one piece, and then find a niche in adulthood where they can find relative comfort and peace. I personally believe this is achievable – if they can avoid picking up mental health problems during the rough early years, and can learn life strategies for survival, they can find a career which suits their personality and talents, and hopefully gather people around them with whom they resonate. At least, that would be a successful outcome.