Writing 101, Day Four: Lost, Part 1/3

I had no intention of writing about divorce, marriage, and other personal subjects, and I may never publish this post. However, today’s writing challenge has been to tackle a loss, and while I could ruminate on socks I have lost, especially favourite striped ones, and how their vanishing is as mysterious as any combination of lost planes and Dharma Inititiatives given that I am Logical and Rational and brook no nonsense fairy tales of washing machines devouring small woven items, scoff scoff, but really, the most obvious, glaring, elephantine even, loss which has been haunting me has been my first marriage. Not my first husband, I should like to clarify from the outset, but my first marriage. Not that it was a happy marriage, but it was a relationship the nature of which I’d anticipated, expected, believed, would, should and indeed had to endure a lifetime, and remain primly singular. But it did not endure, and in fact I, with my overactive conscience screaming mercy, had to be the one to call Time in the end. Reasons be damned, the fact that the sanctum was defiled is dogging my steps balefully.

It’s awfully quick and evasive for a mangy beast, this black dog, I just can’t get a bead on it to put it out of its misery. It doesn’t belong here. This here is a nice street, with tidy, painted fences, and old trees rooting the neighbourhood to the earth. The dogs here sleep off their lunches in the sun. So what is this scrawny hound doing sloping around uninvited? If I saw such an underfed and unwanted animal for real, I’d feel desperately sorry for it. I’d give it a feed and some lovin’. Maybe that’s what I need to do with my bete noir. Acknowledge it, take it in and give it a bowl and a belly rub. Quit the shoo-ing and tame the antipathy. I wonder if nemeses are open to domestication? I’m off to get a bowl – but I’ll keep a big stick behind my back, just in case.

 

PS. I decided to publish this post, in honour of other people who have bravely spoken about their lives and losses. If you are brave enough to be honest, I shall suck it up, and after all, I’ve read some of yours, it’s only fair.

 

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11 thoughts on “Writing 101, Day Four: Lost, Part 1/3

  1. Thanks for being brave enough to share, Chaos Girl. I still have not written anything. I wrote about my loss of music yesterday. I don’t think I could do a serial on loss. I have lost so many loved ones in my life. The last one being my husband and then home in 2010 and 2011. I’ll have to ruminate on this a while.

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  2. I’m so glad you published your Loss story. Your black dog metaphor speaks to the love and compassion in you and treads lightly the deep void in your heart. I love the way you use humor – even gallows humor. The complexity of your writing engages my mind and heart.

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    • By the way, I’d love to introduce you around – would you mind if I pressed your post on being fallow? I love the concept (though I have no idea how to introduce it in to my life at this time).

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      • I get goose bumps thinking you want to introduce me around. I love writing assignments yet am totally surprised when people get what I’m saying. I’ve felt what I have to say is pretty calm, like I’ve got everything together, which I don’t. I have to start over on this project every morning after wanting to give up the night before. That’s where the fallow comes in. I don’t control where or how my writing gets read. I have to remind myself that there is a huge field (world) out there and to trust it to bear fruit for me and feed others..

        Yes and many thanks for spreading my words.

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  3. Just found your blog and I think your writing is uniquely engaging. In my life, it does seem to help matters when I feed the bete noir or scratch its tummy. Loss is a good subject and, like you, I don’t care to babble about socks.
    Julie

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    • Thank you!
      I’m trying to figure out how to tame this beast, beyond the metaphor now. It was definitely a topic with a lot of potential; this challenge has been more educational than I realised it would be.

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  4. Pingback: Lost & Found, Part 2/3 | Chaos Girl & the Real World

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